Hello Hashers!
This email consists of directions/instructions/information regarding this weekend's hash, or as we like to call it "THE AMAZING, OUTSTANDING K3H XX??th ANNUAL OSTRICH MIGRATION & WEEKEND"!! It's that special weekend each year where we cover appx. 140km in one day, relay-style, and ease our weary bones with lots of alcohol and delicious food before getting up the next morning and "jogging it off". This year's weekend will be at the scenic Tuli Block destination of Stevensford Game Reserve "where the giraffe and the crocodiles play". If you have signed up and paid, please pay careful attention and start up your printers right now!
If you have not signed up and paid, you may continue reading and suppress all those feelings of acute jealousy and laziness. (NB: There are still 3 or 4 slots for late registrations, should you be so tempted, so if that means you - reply to this email IMMEDIATELY)
On to those attending the migration:
You will find 2 files attached, the first being the important list of directions, team rosters, and accommodation details. Please print and keep this with you! Those traveling to Stevensford on Friday will want to take their instructions from the first/second pages, to guide you straight to the reserve in the most direct way possible. Please be aware that the start points of the individual legs run on Saturday may differ from these "Page 1" directions. Those driving up on Saturday directly to your teams' start points, please follow the directions given underneath your individual team instructions from Page 3 (Section B), onwards.
The 2nd file is simply a Garmin GPS (.gdb) file for those digital-age nerds who have such a contraption and want to upload it into your fancy-pants gadgets. Everyone else, ignore.
The most CRITICAL AND IMPORTANT element of the AMAZING, OUTSTANDING K3H XX??th ANNUAL OSTRICH MIGRATION & WEEKEND is that you be ON TIME to your start points as designated on the attached schedule!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT be a Shane Fox (aka "Sweetie") and show up an hour late because you decided to have a leisurely breakfast and then follow your Canadian GPS to some random location 80km away from where you're supposed to be!!! The fastest way to receive The Brew Master's lethal punishment cocktail of bird testicles and bat urine in the closing circle, is to delay the Migration by being late!!!!!! We might also consider baptizing you in the Limpopo with the crocodiles, as an alternative punishment.
(The above also acts as an important word of advice to any smart aleck overheard whinging, complaining, bellyaching or otherwise b!tching about their team, route, distance, liver run route, colour of beer bottles, etc during the AMAZING, OUTSTANDING K3H XX??th ANNUAL OSTRICH MIGRATION & WEEKEND!!!!!!!)
By popular demand, the last leg (through the game reserve) will be an ALL-RUN extravaganza, so those of you who have completed your relay duties early in the day, please remember to "report for duty" as per the attached instructions at 4:15pm at the reserve gate (and try to be able to still run in a straight line).
Don't forget, there is a sand volleyball court and "swimming pool" (i.e. chlorinated livestock tank) available for your recreating pleasure, at the Stevensford. We are having our dinner on Saturday night catered, but otherwise you are all responsible for your own eats and the like. Keep in mind that there IS a veterinary fence between Gabs and Stevensford, should you intend on bringing your own meat (although the last time we went through it, was un-manned).
Many thanks to Angelina and Jacques for doing the "dry run" on the route this week, and to all runners/cyclers/volunteers who are filling in for absent hashers or running 2 (or more!) legs of the relay so that we can reach this fine destination and enjoy the weekend away at such a Lovely Limpopo Location!
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